I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
