I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The air was thick with penises
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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