Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
