My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Panties = found
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
