What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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