dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
