Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
