Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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