I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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