So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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