we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
