ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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