He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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