There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
