Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
