Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
soo... how was my night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
