I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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