I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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