im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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