We got so high we made milksteak
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
