I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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