i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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