What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
