woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
