Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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