She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So many bounce houses so little time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I supernannyed him into submission
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
