We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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