Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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