dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
