i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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