my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
