I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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