I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
