dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
