Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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