I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
