a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
