Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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