dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
