Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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