you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bang-toberfest begins!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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