NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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