it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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