remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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