awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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