everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
