So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
