I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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