When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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