I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
