oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
