I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
