i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
