is your mom at the bar?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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