Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
