there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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