My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize