i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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