best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
