Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
