Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
