you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize