I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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