my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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