i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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