I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
