listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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