just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
