i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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