I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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