ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
