does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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