That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
