he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
