Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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